doing a bit better. listening to johnny cash. drawing more of those blue people (not they’re not blue.) I might show my neighbor Randal my blue people. and maybe the fetus collage. can’t really be online too much until exams are over and done with. funeral on tuesday for pop-pop. the wake is going to be closed casket. gonna go to his house sometime either today or tomorrow and get as much of my nanor’s and great nan’s stuff from sweden out of there. i gotta clean, clean, clean. and maybe make a cake or two. and i gotta send sarah-mae townes’ dinosaur hat. that’s about it.
so, basically, i can’t really be online too much. (or at all.) so, contact me via telephone. yadis, johnny, jordan, and izzy, y’all can get it from my girlfriend Chelsea Wienclaw on facebook if you need it.
’s about it.
how >to> disappear__completely - radi_ohe/ad
and watch the worlds collide
and watch the worlds collide
i keep seeing bugs everywhere invading my bed, my kitchen counter, my dining room table, even my fucking shower. last night i couldn’t even sleep in my own bed, i was too freaked out and i slept in the living room on the couch. i kept hearing my dog snoring all night then around three am my mother was squeaking away on her scooter making herself coffee and i was just stuck freezing on the couch with just a quilt suffering. then when i woke up around six after finally falling asleep around 4 or 5 and i went to the fridge and i kept hearing things coming out of it and when i opened it i swore i heard something crawling in it and i swear i almost panicked and then my mother came rolling up to me to see what the fuck was going on and i was just standing there wimpering by the fridge. i swear to god i thought it was a rat in there. then later that morning on the bus on buffalo avenue i was staring straight ahead listening to king’s crossing for the millionth time and i guess i kept seeing the reflection of the cars passing the intersection but i swear to god i thought they were all crashing and you should have seen me. my bus driver, rosemary, was like “calm down, sweetie, the school year’s almost over.” it was really scary and then all day after that i kept seeing things, like the bugs, on my desk and they weren’t really there, at all. i asked sergeant picone to check and everything and he said that i was probably just imagining them and to calm down for a minute. that actually probably got me even worse and then around 4th period ish i was on my way to class and i was passing this big wall of windows leading out to the courtyard that the library overlooks and i kept invisioning people jumping out of the windows there and then i walked up to one and i really wanted to jump out of it then some security guard was like “get to class!” and thank fuck that douchebag of a security guard yelled at me otherwise i swear i would have probably jumped out of that window. I’m so fucking freaked out. I keep seeing things everywhere. in math i literally kept seeing bloody razors everywhere while mrs. zoumas, that old hag, kept yelling and screaming at my entire class about how we were worthless and pointless human beings. then she singled me out about something and i just sat there with this binderclip handle thingy pierced into my arm and then i wiped blood all over my regents booklet. that was about it, like that really set me off, and i kept envisioning those fucking razors all over my desk and holy shit i was freaking out today. and after that in my 6th period class the window was open and i was freeeezing even though it was 82 out and oh my god what the hell is wrong with me. after that i decided in my gym class that i wasn’t fit to participate so i sat and watched strange parallel on my cell phone to try to make some sense out of the goddamned day and i burnt my feet on the track because i’d put my shoes in my backpack during botta’s class. after that i had french and everyone was staring at me while i was walking in because melissa kept pointing out that i wasn’t wearing any shoes well god damn it it’s summer i don’t need to and then i burnt my feet some more and stepped on a shard of glass outside on my way to the bus. on the bus i kept thinking what if i got off here and jumped out in front of the traffic and geez aren’t i glad now that i was sandwiched in between nathan bivens and the emergency window.
later today when i had finally arrived home i saw my grandma’s car there as well as my cousin nolan’s and when i got inside, to the kitchen, i was informed that my pop pop has passed away. oh well he wasn’t a nice guy to me anyways. maybe no one was nice to him but that’s not my problem.
and i still keep seeing these frigging bugs!
these bugs and now i keep hearing about these funeral arrangements. wow what a depressing day.
but holy fuck what’s up with all of these visions?
i can’t breathe I CAN’T BREATHE
